Surely it's too late now to rant on about APEC.

No, it's never too late to rant. While I'm at it, I might share my thoughts on how stupid it is for newspapers to actually write articles on the Prime Minister falling over on wet tiles. Or maybe I already have... meh...

Yeah. So. APEC was shit. It was so shit, in fact, that I don't care that there's probably as many blog entries on the net right now about APEC as there are crappy Mac vs PC ad parodies on YouTube.

I am glad I didn't end up going into town for the protests. I mean, there were snipers on the roofs. Fucking snipers. Men with long-range weaponry, with scopes and shit, highly trained in the art of killing people. People with better guns and better skills than Lee Harvey Oswald probably. Not that Lee Harvey Oswald ever tried out his skills.... or did he? Point is, I don't care who they're trained by or what uniform they're wearing. I'm not comfortable walking around in range of a SR98. The military don't seem to like private school turned lefty pinko scum like me. Best not to tempt them.

Oh yeah and it cost a lot. And no one really seemed to want it. Well, no one that wasn't in it. Like all of Sydney who had their week fucking re-arranged for a big bourgeoisie wankfest. Or even business owners who had to dish out extra time to employees on the Friday or just suffer lost business. And then there were proles like me who ended up working anyway, and only at time & a half. I've said it numerous times since last week, but that means that everyone else at work that got a bludgey day-off, while I only got half a day's extra pay.

Shit, I always have to work on public holidays that mean something to me, but nothing to the people who get the day off. Like the time I was rostered on for 10 hours at the call centre on May Day. May Day being significant for commemorating the struggle for the 8 hour working day, for which a few people actually died. Fucking rainbows and lollipops and baby birds chirping all round.

I did like that the guy who was behind painting "No War" on the Opera House organised for a mass mooning of the convoys. People always bitch about direct action being too violent and disruptive. The same people who wouldn't notice these things unless Channell asiNine news reported about the violence of protesters. Well this guy seems to know how to bring attention to a cause without violence. Still not good enough for people though. Showing your arse may not hurt anyone or any property, but it's "indecent" and "crude". Trespassing into the Opera House is also not on, graffiti is bad because it changes the appearance of property you don't own but have to pay for and look at, and nowadays you'd probably be taken out by a sniper before getting up there.

The best non-violent protest of all was of course The Chaser's expedition into the Red Zone. They didn't even intend to get that far. Never underestimate the lacodaisical ignorance of police. If you're not coloured, wearing Adidas or driving a Nissan Skyliner, of course they don't care. The cops at Burwood station seem to pay more attention to detail to me and my boyfriend passing through on invalid tickets than they do to a convoy that looks important enough. But again, despite being harmless, cut short by the pranksters themselves and a lot better than real terrorists getting that far in, people reckon they should go to gaol. For what? Who's ever gone to gaol for doing what the police sanction? If a cop tells you it's okay, aren't you supposed to follow without question? I think they were just being good citizens.

Most of all, APEC sucks because it's about, as apecsec.org.sg puts it, promoting "liberal trade & economic policies" while invoking oppressive police powers and new "anti-terrorism" practices, and collecting together some of the most un-liberal world leaders when it comes to social policies and personal issues... like gay marriage, the war on drugs, immigration, y'know, stuff to do with the daily life of us little people. A bit unbalanced isn't it?

Okay I'm spent. Dear diary, see you in another 6 months. Love, spider.




WTF? --->
Chaser Team Charged - Sydney Morning Herald, September 6, 2007
Wiki...wiki... wikipedia entry on APEC

Apathy ==> Antipathy

I nearly cried at work yesterday. Why? Because I used the word "action" as a verb. The corporate zombies are eating my brain.

I've discovered that if you say something enough times it becomes true, even if it starts off as a joke. Like "I hate everyone" and "I don't care what people think of me" and "deep down inside, everyone around me is a soulless douche". There is not a single human being in sight, especially not one that I don't want to do grievous bodily harm to. I can't talk to people. They talk bullshit. It's all gibberish to me. It's just random sentences, most of them quotes from something or in-jokes that make no sense to all but 3 other people. There's no topic of conversation anymore. It's all just an asinine attempt at being post-modern. I can't stand it.

But that used to me, right? I used to speak incoherently about nothing and everything and giggle constantly while doing it. Right? Look at those sentences! Incoherently! Asinine! What are these fucking words? This is why there is no conversation! These words are from non-fiction novels by evolutionary biologists commenting on religion in the modern world, they're not things you actually say or think in your head! No one talks to text books. No one even looks at them. They just pretend to flick through them when they feel obligated.

Let's just think logically about this. Is it really that everyone else has slowly become intolerable, and that somehow I'm the only sane person left? Is anyone really doing or saying anything different to before? Who is it here that is being anti-social? Show me who is causing this calamity, I'll bash the living shit out of them...

Is this maybe... my fault? =gasp=

Choices and consequences. Choices. Consequences. First you make a choice. Then there are consequences. Choice. Then consequence.
Oh. I see it now. Oops.

How do I undo it? Where's the rewind button? Cntrl + Z... cntrl + Z!! CNTRL + Z!! Fuck. It's not working. It's irreversible. I'm stuck with it. Arg.

So this is what the word "alienation" means.

FUCKING TRAITORS (i hate humans and most animals)

There's two super ex-best friends that will be hung up on Monday if they call me. They don't know I have a blog, so this is largely a pointless rant, but aren't they all? Yeah, they're so barred. Sick of unreliable people. To anyone that's ever put up with my constant unreliability as a friend: you're pathetic, you shouldn't put up with it.
Oh wait.. you don't... okay so that explains a few things.

**processing thoughts** Perhaps... call me crazy if I sound like it... but cutting out more friends would be a ... bad decision? I seem to have painted myself into a corner, socially. By that stupid metaphor, I mean I've systematically become detached from everyone and lost all confidence to talk to anyone but my increasingly small inner cadre.

I have thought of ways to be less obnoxious and enjoy social interaction more, such as a brain injury or lobotomy. However, if I think about it closely enough, douchebags only like douchey things so trying to be less douchey is actually self-defeating. And I'm convinced now that EVERYONE is douchebags.

Don't correct my fucking grammar while I'm talking. Sit the fuck down.

My New Year's resolution to quit all drugs and alcohol for a year is the worst decision of my life. Scratch that, that's just melodramatic hyperbole. I WISH it was the worst decision of my life - ha!
But it's not going well in any sense but that I've only broken it once... since January 5th. I will stick to it, because it is only for a year, and it may be one of those things that you need to ride out to get to the good part. However, next year, my resolution will be to spend as many waking hours high. Seeing as I prefer teh amphetaminez, there'll be plenty of waking hours.

Hmmm... I've quit smoking for such a long time that I didn't put smoking into my list of things not to do. I mean I couldn't ban all substances. I need antihistamines for my hay fever and panadol for stress headaches. So I never mentioned nicotine or smoking. **eyes light up** I always make friends with cigarettes!

What the fuck are these entries? I don't know. It's not on myspace, this blog gets next to no traffic, pfft. I don't care anymore. Shame that my new found candour hasn't really improved the quality of my blog.

Anyway, back to the point. Bridget and Lisa, you're not my friends any more. I won't invite you to any of my parties, you're fired, you can't get into the club house any more. I'll change the secret super best friends hand shake just to make sure. It's just me and Rammsteinn in my club now.

Suck eggs, gaylords.

D.B. Himmersbach is not a man to make idle threats.

Why does it seem that everyone else is crazy but me?

My work laptop screen is cracked so long time no post. I've discovered that doing my work instead of posting on forums does not actually get work done before quitting time. It actually creates more work.

My boss has cut my bonus in half for not uploading an order because there was already an order in there under the same name (I thought it was that order). He tried to console me with "hey, out of like 80 orders you've only screwed up one". So I said something like "well, maybe we shouldn't bring that up seeing as it's much more than 1/80th of my bonus that you're cutting". He didn't seem none too impressed. Started to back off when I began ranting about unpaid overtime.

Gary, one of the blind guys at Pizza Hut call center once bitched about the union to me. He said he could negotiate a better agreement on his own, because he could drop parts of the agreements he didn't need to get other things he really wanted. I can now say from personal experience that Gary don't know shit about what he's talking about. With no bargaining power, they'll get rid of those "superfluous" bits alright, but they won't give you anything in return. I never really needed the union to intercede before, but suddenly in a unionless workplace, I do need them. It's very hard to protect both your job AND your interests when you have to go into bat for yourself. Not to mention the fact that I can't find my copy of my contract, and my requests to be given a copy have been ignored, so having someone who can inform me of my actual rights would be better than me just cowering away, assuming the worst.

If Blind Gary was here right now as I think about this, I'd punch him until he bled. I don't care if he's blind. I'll put a bell on my wrist so he can hear it coming. I'd punch him repeatedly. It's what I'd do for anyone else, so I guess it's part of having an Equal Opportunity attitude. His poor little guide dog would probably be cheering and egging me on anyway.

If everyone else is crazy, I thought I might just jump on the bangwagon and take up an evening position that work is offering, 5 - 8.30pm Mon - Fri for a few months for extra cash. It better be good cash, considering how the tax rate is going to jump.

Wow, yet another post entirely about work. FUCK. That makes me angry.

Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because my life has become incredibly boring, lonely and uneventful. Whatever, fuck people.

Oh, and the title of this post? That's just what I heard on the TV just now, as I sit at home on a Saturday night because I have no fucking money left to go out.

Feb 14 = Invasion Day

No, I know it's not Australia Day. This is a different kind of Invasion Day.

February 14 is St. Valentine's Day: the day we celebrate the invasion of someone else into our life and our reciprocal invasion into theirs, or we spend the day miserable, wishing that we could be annexed.

The US invaded Iraq to "liberate" it. That is, Iraq had many faults - y'know, torture and oppressive dictatorship and so on - so like a meddling girlfriend or controlling boyfriend, they tried to change them for the better.

The result: the place is going to shit. Same thing goes for trying to "save" someone from themself. It only causes problems. Just as a people can only emancipate themselves if they are to be truly free, no one is really changed unless they have some epiphany and change themselves. The US government should hardly complain about the shit it has to deal with as fallout from this disastrous war - they put themselves in that position. See where the analogy is going?

I won't harp on anymore about it, but the mantra for the day that I meditated upon was this:
MONOGAMY IS DICTATORSHIP

MARRIAGE IS SLAVERY

sorry... i just haven't used marquee in such a long time and felt like adding that little spice of annoyingness

I miss her

One of my best mates ever, Alex, went overseas about a year and a half ago. We've been mates since Year 8. We've spent entire weeks in the summer holidays just going around doing our usual summer holiday stuff together. We'd spend months apart. Either way, nothing much changed.

Anyway, she has a FagSpace (fuck, I just realised how many times FagSpace gets mentioned and linked to in my blog... I'm supporting the whore), and recently she put some of her songs up. See, she went to Canada, then Europe and is currently in Ireland for her singing career. Hearing her voice is weird... it still sounds so familiar but it's made me remember a lot. It's made me feel really sad about the fact I'll probably never see her again.

No, I don't give a shit at all about how soppy this crap sounds. I really don't. Maybe sometimes I'm allowed to stop ranting about the fucking bourgeois, or making lame jokes about petty petty things. Maybe sometimes I am a person and not a caricature of myself. Oh fuck, now I'm just another emo blogging cunt. So much for the caricature thing. Shit.

I don't think I have any of the same level of friendship as I used to have with people like Alex. It wasn't just her. It was a few people. And this is just making me remember the past and realise what I've fucked up. So many people have moved on to bigger and better adventures, or just don't know me anymore. When I say "I miss her", it's really a whole collection of random people I miss, male and female.

In fact, it's more the old me and my old life that I miss. Not that other people don't matter to me, but if I'm to be honest about what it is that makes me miss them, it's not really their voice, or their jokes or whatever, but the things I did with them and the person I was with them. Having people who are important to you and to whom you are equally important. Knowing that people would notice in less than a day if you'd died in your attic. When losing your phone for 3 days leaves you with more than 2 missed calls and 1 SMS.
Free drugs.

OK just kidding about the drugs. But that is a perk too.

I think that's why I'm a really fucking nasty bitter misanthropic shithead now. I'm not that close to people anymore. I don't speak to people for weeks. A couple of people I would say I was as close to as with Alex these days make me feel sort of annoyed when they talk about trivial things and I get pissed off if they ask questions about my private life. Some people I stopped talking to when I was at Ryde in my little year-long drughole - boy do I know now how much happens in just one year. To their credit, a few of them made a fair effort to keep me as a friend, but it's pretty frustrating to do so when the other person is oblivious and completely unappreciative. They all might still be in the country, but they're worlds away from me nonetheless.

It's supposed to be some shame to admit you have regrets. Fuck that. I have regrets. If I could go back 5 years, change everything that's happened but have no memory of my alternate future, I'd do it in a heart beat.



Well, this is awkward.

Um... ah... I hate... traffic lights... or something...

J'en ai marre - ça suffit!

People are such complete douchebags.
I'm convinced our brains are over-developed.We now are a bunch of self-aggrandising spoilt brats with unrealistic expectations of life. I look at my dreams and I'm almost 100% sure I'll die disappointed. Cue song: Everybody wants to rule the world.

The fear of disappointment and not getting our way causes us to do strange and extreme things to get our way. Like stalking. Yeah, the fucking stalker AGAIN. **rolls eyess**

Last night, I heard a twig snap outside the fence. It was quite loud, which leads me to believe it was a fairly strong stick that required a bit of force to break it. Force is a function of mass, so I think it was something bigger than a cat or possum. My suspicions were confirmed later when Mikey saw a light behind the fence. He went out to see who was there but couldn't find anything - it was very dark.

SCARIEST BIT: After I went to bed, Mikey went upstairs to his room, and from reading his blog this morning, it seems that he called the police that night, because he saw a green light - a laser beam - on his bedroom wall. That means this fucker isn't just hiding behind our fence - he's coming into our estate, and lurking around the driveways.

Who could be bothered to sit in itchy scrub, with mozzies and spiders and pointy sticks, and risk arrest, rather than any other option. When I'm pissed off at someone, here's the ideas that run through my head:

1. Launching a sit-yo-ass-down STFU tirade at them, preferably in front of other people, so that my moral victory is known by all
2. Beating them up. No weapons, not Sagara style, just a good old-fashioned punch-up.
3. Talking to them directly about it, usually when it comes up in conversation
4. Making comments about it to people I know will pass it on to my intended target so they know what I'm pissed about and preferably just drop it
5. Emailing them, writing a letter, or some form of visual communication from afar
6. Boycotting all their social events and not replying to their attempts to contact me
7. Whining like a little bitch about it without ever intending to take action or find a solution

See what's missing from that list? A lot of these options are about me avoiding confrontation, but the worst psychological warfare that is there is ignoring them. Beating them up is not something I'd actually do, I just imagine it - it's cathartic, but probably only worsens my sentiments towards them.

Only recently I rang someone about something that was bothering me. From getting more information and discarding misinformation that I had taken for granted as true, I realised the situation wasn't how I thought. Things always seem worse when they're left to fester in your imagining and worst-case assumptions. That notwithstanding, relieving myself of the burden of anger and hurt was well worth it. That's because I actually just wanted to sort things out. I didn't want to punish anyone or torment them, otherwise I would've gone about it another way.

Either this person is a really damaged, scared, weird little person, or they don't want to actually solve anything that's bugging them, they'd rather draw energy off those problems so they can keep tormenting their "enemy". Which then leads to the question: what on earth could Mikey have done for such punishment to be proportionate?

Methinks that this petty fuck is overreacting big time, and needs to get a life, or at least just another hobby.

Haven't You People Ever Heard of Finishing a Goddamn Song?

Know what sucks about PANIC! At the Disco?

They're songs start off great, but then they die. Like they have a great idea when they're stoned, but 3 seconds later they've forgotten it. Like they get bored after composing the first minute of song and just "auto-fill" the rest. Like they come up with a concept, and 2 short verses with a chorus, then fit it into a pop-hit template to work out the rest.

Don't get sucked in by their avant-garde titles, like "There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet" There's a pedestrian lurking behind each one.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies:

"Haven't you people ever heard of / Closing a goddamn door"

Oh what a great chorus. And the verses have a little story going on. Well the first one does, the second one is half a verse that is repeated and doesn't really tell you anything at all. As for the third verse - what do you mean third verse? There is no third verse? These cunt run off with the last phrase of the chorus "poise and rationality" and just float off into a foggy middle eighth refrain (more like a middle thirty-second) that repeats and repeats and repeats, with a chorus thrown in there for good measure.

So if you like the verse and chorus, the band basically says "tough shit... 80% of this song isn't going to sound like a song at all, it's going to punk version of ambient music with some emo wanker cooing over the top".

Listening to this song is like wading through mud.

Lying is the Most Fun A Girl Can Have With Her Clothes On

"Let's get these two hearts beating faster faster"

Starts off intense and serious and personal. It sounds like a song about sexuality and jealousy. Sounds hot. Like it? Wanna hear more? Tough shit. AGAIN.

Did their constant repetition of "poise and rationality" make you want to die during I.W.S.N.T? Just wait until you wake up screaming at 3am, sweating, with "dance to this beat, dance to this beeeeat" on constant loop in your head.

What the fuck does that mean: "testosterone boys and harlequin(?) girls / dance to this beat and hold a lover close"? Fucking hell. The only time a song can address its audience as a large collective mass is in hip hop and rap. "B-boys" and "fly girls" have no place in rock. It doesn't work. That's why people who like hip hop think rock is corny: because it does shit like that.

My god. Would you ever hear Kurt Cobain sing "Everybody in the house, put your hands up in the air"? NO? So what gives PANIC! the chutzpah to do the equivalent themselves?

---

WHY AM I SO ANGRY? Because if there is a God then he has really fucked us over. It should be the 4th law of thermodynamics that you can't give someone the ability to do something proficiently, without creativity and imagination to make it enjoyable for others. It's like God gave them the talent, and I got the ideas, but without both in the one person, they're each useless.

Why God? Why give my talent to those air-head art-punk-emo fuckwits who think that a simple key change will make the song sound a bit more varied? Did I offend you in the womb?! Are there some in utero sins I have yet to pay off? Did I worship my umbilical cord as a false idol?

PANIC! At the Disco are no more than a dressed-up, over-glorified Blink 182. In fact, the only real difference is that PANIC! know more than 3 chords and don't sing songs like "shit piss c*nt f*ck cocksucker motherf*cker" and if you really think about it, that actually makes Blink 182 better, because at least they're honest about the purility of their work.