looking for purity

I like Buddhism.
I'm going to join a ... sangha... or whatever they're called.

I've drunk a lot of water lately.




Yep.

FUCKING TRAITORS (i hate humans and most animals)

There's two super ex-best friends that will be hung up on Monday if they call me. They don't know I have a blog, so this is largely a pointless rant, but aren't they all? Yeah, they're so barred. Sick of unreliable people. To anyone that's ever put up with my constant unreliability as a friend: you're pathetic, you shouldn't put up with it.
Oh wait.. you don't... okay so that explains a few things.

**processing thoughts** Perhaps... call me crazy if I sound like it... but cutting out more friends would be a ... bad decision? I seem to have painted myself into a corner, socially. By that stupid metaphor, I mean I've systematically become detached from everyone and lost all confidence to talk to anyone but my increasingly small inner cadre.

I have thought of ways to be less obnoxious and enjoy social interaction more, such as a brain injury or lobotomy. However, if I think about it closely enough, douchebags only like douchey things so trying to be less douchey is actually self-defeating. And I'm convinced now that EVERYONE is douchebags.

Don't correct my fucking grammar while I'm talking. Sit the fuck down.

My New Year's resolution to quit all drugs and alcohol for a year is the worst decision of my life. Scratch that, that's just melodramatic hyperbole. I WISH it was the worst decision of my life - ha!
But it's not going well in any sense but that I've only broken it once... since January 5th. I will stick to it, because it is only for a year, and it may be one of those things that you need to ride out to get to the good part. However, next year, my resolution will be to spend as many waking hours high. Seeing as I prefer teh amphetaminez, there'll be plenty of waking hours.

Hmmm... I've quit smoking for such a long time that I didn't put smoking into my list of things not to do. I mean I couldn't ban all substances. I need antihistamines for my hay fever and panadol for stress headaches. So I never mentioned nicotine or smoking. **eyes light up** I always make friends with cigarettes!

What the fuck are these entries? I don't know. It's not on myspace, this blog gets next to no traffic, pfft. I don't care anymore. Shame that my new found candour hasn't really improved the quality of my blog.

Anyway, back to the point. Bridget and Lisa, you're not my friends any more. I won't invite you to any of my parties, you're fired, you can't get into the club house any more. I'll change the secret super best friends hand shake just to make sure. It's just me and Rammsteinn in my club now.

Suck eggs, gaylords.

D.B. Himmersbach is not a man to make idle threats.

Why does it seem that everyone else is crazy but me?

My work laptop screen is cracked so long time no post. I've discovered that doing my work instead of posting on forums does not actually get work done before quitting time. It actually creates more work.

My boss has cut my bonus in half for not uploading an order because there was already an order in there under the same name (I thought it was that order). He tried to console me with "hey, out of like 80 orders you've only screwed up one". So I said something like "well, maybe we shouldn't bring that up seeing as it's much more than 1/80th of my bonus that you're cutting". He didn't seem none too impressed. Started to back off when I began ranting about unpaid overtime.

Gary, one of the blind guys at Pizza Hut call center once bitched about the union to me. He said he could negotiate a better agreement on his own, because he could drop parts of the agreements he didn't need to get other things he really wanted. I can now say from personal experience that Gary don't know shit about what he's talking about. With no bargaining power, they'll get rid of those "superfluous" bits alright, but they won't give you anything in return. I never really needed the union to intercede before, but suddenly in a unionless workplace, I do need them. It's very hard to protect both your job AND your interests when you have to go into bat for yourself. Not to mention the fact that I can't find my copy of my contract, and my requests to be given a copy have been ignored, so having someone who can inform me of my actual rights would be better than me just cowering away, assuming the worst.

If Blind Gary was here right now as I think about this, I'd punch him until he bled. I don't care if he's blind. I'll put a bell on my wrist so he can hear it coming. I'd punch him repeatedly. It's what I'd do for anyone else, so I guess it's part of having an Equal Opportunity attitude. His poor little guide dog would probably be cheering and egging me on anyway.

If everyone else is crazy, I thought I might just jump on the bangwagon and take up an evening position that work is offering, 5 - 8.30pm Mon - Fri for a few months for extra cash. It better be good cash, considering how the tax rate is going to jump.

Wow, yet another post entirely about work. FUCK. That makes me angry.

Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because my life has become incredibly boring, lonely and uneventful. Whatever, fuck people.

Oh, and the title of this post? That's just what I heard on the TV just now, as I sit at home on a Saturday night because I have no fucking money left to go out.

I'm a violent monster, lock me up

I beat my wife.

I beat him for not getting me a drink quick enough. I beat him for making the same boring dinner all the time. I beat him for not agreeing with me.

Look, here's the evidence:

¡SELBBUB!

The universe has conspired against me again this weekend. Not only did it give me the flu right as I had to go on a bridgeclimb with my team from work, but to top it off, it began raining only hours before our bubble party.

Oh noes rain you might say, but in the middle of New South Wales' worst drought in 100 years‽ And influenza in February‽ When will I learn not to look forward to anything?

Anyway, surprisingly enough, people still turned up. I didn't get to enjoy things or talk to people as much as I had hoped because I felt rather shit and the weather made me rather strange. My efforts to make talky-talky with people ended with me being a right dick so I avoided too much interaction and pissed everyone off by taking photos with my HORRIBLY ineffectual digital camera.

I like my photos, because unlike all you arty ponces, mine are badly focused, terribly framed and aren't of interesting or relevant subjects.


Here's Jones and Mikey testing the bubble mix the day before the party. Quite impressive, yes?







The bubble quality held out at the party as well, even though we were forced to have them inside, which had certain consequences...









... such as making food nearby soggy and soapy.


At least the carpet is getting a good wash from it.







Big bubbles amuse small minds.






Here's a bunch of people being

couch monkeys, to capture the atmosphere.




















Yeah, it's a blurry pic, but it's funny to see people's faces when Jones is talking to them.






Hey, you damn kids!! Get out of my kitchen!!!






That's enough Mandreano for one post...






"This is my 'NO' face"
Did I mention I'm sick? Only like 50 times in one evening.








See that yellow thing on the bench? Look closely. That's the bubble machine that inspired this party. You can see some small bubbles floating around it. Many of which stuck to the Palex's toys below.

Hi Alastair!!

Holy crap! How many photos do I have to post here?

Oh, I think I'm done. So yeah, that was the party. Apologies to anyone on dial-up or whose download limit I just completely raped.

P.S: It's still fucking raining!!

Forky forky forky

I want to be a fork lift driver. This is my new career plan. We went to the warehouse today for a tour and I saw the forklifter drivers zipping around. Such a better job than what I have.

First of all I have to save up for a motorbike to improve my employment options.

Then I'm going to go to the gym to improve my upper body fitness (among other things). Women can more easily develop good lower body strength (ie: thighs and legs) but aren't as naturally strong in the arms, back and chest as men, so I need to do some work to match the fitness of other workers, as forklift drivers may also have other warehouse duties.

Then I'm going to get my forklift license and apply for jobs.

Why? FOR A KAJILLION REASONS:

1. They get paid better than me. Jones says so.
2. No customers
3. They get to drive around all day in a forklift, which looks really fun
4. No customers
5. No corporate bullshit
6. No customers
7. No more listening to managers bullshit on about Prada or Louis Vuitton or whatever while leaving their kids with other people for most hours out of the week
8. No customers
9. A more unionised workplace
10. No customers
11. Less stress
12. No customers, no cusomters, no customers

I want to be a fork lift driver la la la la!

Merry Frummas

Today is the day that John Frum might come back.


The cargo cult of Tannas, New Hebrides, believe that one day a messiah will come back, bearing gifts and prosperity. He will take away all pain and suffering. He'll send all the annoying white people they've had to deal with off the island.

He will come February 15, but no one knows the year.

This cult is clearly influenced by christian missionaries but damn, how it's backfired. John Frum hates the missionaries. He will send them away like Jesus dissing the pharisees. In fact there's a lot in common between John Frum and Jesus, such as the fact that they may or may not have been a real living person, but who knows anymore now that so much bullshit and mythology surrounds their name.

As pointed out by the Cargo Culters of the New Hebrides, their cult is actually less silly than Christianity, because they've only been waiting a couple of decades - Christians have been waiting a couple of millenia.





Don't believe me? Here's a link bomb to convince you:

• John Frum: A Millenarian Movement in Tanna, New Hebrides


• WIKI WIKI WIKIPEDIA! on John Frum


• Smithsonian: In John They Trust

Oh noes... was that culturally insensitive?

Feb 14 = Invasion Day

No, I know it's not Australia Day. This is a different kind of Invasion Day.

February 14 is St. Valentine's Day: the day we celebrate the invasion of someone else into our life and our reciprocal invasion into theirs, or we spend the day miserable, wishing that we could be annexed.

The US invaded Iraq to "liberate" it. That is, Iraq had many faults - y'know, torture and oppressive dictatorship and so on - so like a meddling girlfriend or controlling boyfriend, they tried to change them for the better.

The result: the place is going to shit. Same thing goes for trying to "save" someone from themself. It only causes problems. Just as a people can only emancipate themselves if they are to be truly free, no one is really changed unless they have some epiphany and change themselves. The US government should hardly complain about the shit it has to deal with as fallout from this disastrous war - they put themselves in that position. See where the analogy is going?

I won't harp on anymore about it, but the mantra for the day that I meditated upon was this:
MONOGAMY IS DICTATORSHIP

MARRIAGE IS SLAVERY

sorry... i just haven't used marquee in such a long time and felt like adding that little spice of annoyingness

Jones. On the interweb. No, really.

My boo, whatever the fuck that is, now has a fagspace profile and a flickr account. Of course, knowing how slow he types and how illiterate he is - both with technology and just in general - I had to set it all up for him.

myspace.com/fidertown - username is Joe King, because that's the stupid name he wants to one day change his to, legally
RSS feed: http://blog.myspace.com/blog/rss.cfm?friendID=154309238

flickr.com/photos/fidertown - mostly for his art only, rather than baby photos, which I usually horde. Not much on their now, just some of his minor works which rely heavily on appropriation of other artists, but soon we'll scan some of his original works and take photos of some figurines he's working on now
RSS feed: http://api.flickr.com/services/feeds/photos_public.gne?id=85218317@N00&format=rss_200

However, I refrained from taking over completely and faithfully typed up whatever content he dictated to me, only using my brain for the hax0ring of the layout. That's why the CSS is so pro (ha!) but colour scheme is so unbelievably gross (true). I recommend reading his FagSpace profile for some mild hilarity, especially the section where he lists his heroes. His background for his FagSpace profile is a pic he made himself, by the way.

Yeah, so go to his flickr and myspace to encourage him or pass on the urls to other people who are interested in art so that he can make some good contacts and converse with people with a similar brain mutation to him.